WesternYew of Trill

Well . . . I survived the week without getting depressed, but by the skin of my teeth! I slept better last night, but I still felt a grouchy tendency when I woke up. This trip was already preying on my mind--I could feel it. The Sparrowhawk went out to the breakfast formerly known as "Men's," only now we don't know what to call it because, Unitarians. I guess it will continue to be referred to as the "Men's" Breakfast, with the understanding that it may be called that for the sake of brevity, but actually there is no gender requirement. I grumpily cleaned the kitchen in my pjs because there was no coffee, and in order to clean the coffee pot and make some, I felt compelled to clean up everything else as well. I don't enjoy cleaning things in the morning, because my sense of smell is extra acute then. But I do it. Then I remembered that I wanted to make chicken salad with the leftover chicken. Normally I just make it with celery, pickles, and onions, but this time I decided to make the fancy chicken salad with celery, apples, grapes, and pecans. The Sparrowhawk came home and I finally got dressed. And then finally ate something. Not eating was another big fat mistake, because if I start out grouchy and then don't eat, it compounds itself. By this time, it was clear that my equilibrium was in danger. I thought I should do some more useful things, but had a big old spasm of Do Not Want. Instead, I spent some more time re-reading A Discovery of Witches and being cross that I can't be a witch and have extra powers.

I stubbed my toe hard enough to make me fall on the couch uttering imprecations. It made me think about my mother, who has pressure sores on her right foot, and that made me sad. I finally forced myself to go out for a walk. My toe hurt throughout. Grr. Once I start being angry these days, there are so many things to get angry about that they just tumble over each other like an avalanche of toy blocks. I took a lot of deep breaths and enjoyed the sky. Robins are hopping around and the redwinged blackbirds are chirring. I walked down the hill to where some benches are set up under a group of pine trees. I was quite startled by the vivid presence of the trees. Their lively green boughs brushed my head kindly and soothed my soul. On the way back, I saw a rabbit, and she saw me. She sat motionless with the evening light shining through her ears. I greeted her with "Hi, bunbun!" Just two ladies out for a stroll . . . .

When I got home, I found another email from the Duchess, in which it is communicated that the therapist told her Mother would only be in the rehab for another two weeks, and then he asked her if we had a "Plan B." The Duchess would like me to find out what the everlasting fork is going on here, though she didn't put it that way. Oh goody. This will add more joy to my visit which I am already not happy about. I will have to find out what options are available to her, since it doesn't sound as if she will be able to move about under her own steam. Or will she? We haven't had any kind of care conference or report in six weeks, other than what the Duchess has found out on her own. I will do whatever is possible to do in one or two days' time. Tomorrow will be another beautiful day. I raise my fist heavenward and sing loudly "LAAAAAAAA!" I pretend that I'm Summoning My Aspect, even though I don't actually have one. For some reason this always cheers me up. Feel free to give it a try.