PearlOyster of Bloom

At some point, I would really like to talk about the experience of my mother's death, which was peaceful and amazing. I wasn't sure how I would feel after she was gone. When my father died, I grieved very hard and it was a tough time. For my mother, I am sad that I don't have her any more and will not be able to go and see her again, but when I think of her spirit and life, I feel only peace. What I need now is just a little peaceful time to gather my thoughts and memories. However, I'm not getting it because of the continual churning and agitation going on with my siblings. Oy. As of yesterday, Queenie was very perturbed because apparently there are regulations in Michigan that require ALL the immediate kin to sign a request for cremation. Meaning that our mother's body had not been cremated and was still sitting in the refrigerator--a very disturbing thought that prevents any sense of completion. Queenie asked the Fireman to call Mr. Science and find out what was going on. Confusion and consternation ensued. However, as of today, that seems to have been fixed, thank goodness. Mr. Science talked them into taking his word for it. I did not point out that if anyone had agreed to my suggestion of pre-arranging the funeral, weeks ago, this would not have happened.

I was told on Friday that an obituary was immediately needed. So I left the meal I was eating with my kids and rushed back to the hotel, where I wrote it in an hour and sent it to the sibs to be checked, before sending it to the funeral home. Confusion and consternation ensued. Everybody is a critic. People got mad. I was then told to rescind the obituary until Monday, when Mr. Science would give me the time of the memorial service to be included in the final draft. I kept waiting, but never received this information. The funeral home wanted the obituary, and it's just embarrassing for time to go by and no notice of her death to be posted. I tried to contact Mr. S and got no response. Finally, this morning I started calling to make arrangements myself. Just as bringing an umbrella ensures it will not rain, taking matters into my own hands ensures that someone else will act! Mr. Science also contacted the chaplain's office, and between the two of us, a date was proposed and committed to. I'm not blaming Mr. Science--he is very busy and very grief-stricken--but I am cranky because I offer repeatedly to take care of things, and Mr. Science and the Duchess always say they are going to do it. I would be happy to help. But they don't let me. Ah well. That part is done now.

Now we just have to agree to some kind of program for the memorial service. Then we have to attend. And the Duchess has suggested we sort out Mother's jewelry. And THEN we have to organize the trip to the graveyard in Illinois where my father is buried, and bury Mother's ashes. This is going to cause all kinds of confusion and consternation. Meanwhile, I am just so DONE with all this. I saw my mother die. I said goodbye. Then I had a three-hour viewing--yes, you heard that right. Now a memorial service and a burial. I don't need to do all this, much less continue to act as facilitator and boron control rod for family reactivity. Dying is fine. It's what the survivors do afterwards that creates all the trouble.

I will say, just as a proof of my ultimate sanctity, that I meekly submitted to having my sister line edit my obituary text, for the sake of keeping the peace. LINE EDIT. I don't let professional editors pull this crap on me. Grr. If they only knew how this feels to a writer, they would be much more respectful of my sacrifice! I am a veritable paragon of peacemaking, regardless of how much I may gnash my teeth in private.

Now we're going to go see GODZILLA KING OF THE MONSTERS. Let the fire fall! Let the earth shake! ROWRRR.