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SnappingTurtle of Bloom
Jun. 8th, 2019 09:16 pmI didn't get around to posting last night because I got a flurry of emails at the last minute. There is still no consensus on when we can bury the ashes, and Mr. Science is going to the UP for two weeks, where he will be largely incommunicado. The Sparrowhawk has created a Doodle poll to assess availability. The kids are filling it out, but the older generation is slow. I sketched out an order of service for the memorial, which Mr. Science liked, but the sisters have not said anything about it yet.
The Minister and Dragonfly took us out to lunch yesterday, which was very nice of them. However, I couldn't even have a beer because I only had four hours of sleep, and the slightest whiff of alcohol would have made me crash. Too tired. It is very hard to form good habits, or any kind of habits, when your sleep cycle is so erratic. I was very grumpy because I felt as if I was getting literally nothing done and my life was meaningless. Also sad because I wished my parents could be still alive and living in their little house.
Today was the most beautiful, perfect summer day. It's like falling through a time warp, because it seems as if we missed spring entirely. We went for a walk in the little woods, and sat on a bench by the creek for a time and did a little meditating. When you open your eyes again, the world is so astonishingly GREEN. In the afternoon, we sat by the lake for the first time this year. There was a cool breeze off the water. All the sailboats were heeling over. It was great, although the sound of the water made me feel like falling asleep. Everything does! Except at night--then nothing does. Tonight we watched the Belmont. I was rooting for Tacitus. He got a bad position at the start and was never able to catch up. My horse has not won ANY race in YEARS. I just don't know how to pick them any more. It's a good thing I only bet in my imagination.
The Duchess texted to say she had picked up the ashes and the death certificates. Here's a spooky thing. My parents lived in the same little old house for 50 years. It was their refuge and haven. In their mind's eye, it was packed with treasures--books, music, flowers, a fire in the fireplace, a garden in the back yard. It was their little piece of Eden. It was a tragic day for them when they could no longer manage life there and had to move out. Assisted care made their lives longer and more comfortable, but they didn't really appreciate it. It was always referred to by the street address--"1505." The time of death on the death certificate was given in 24 hour time: 15:05. Maybe it's goofy of me to think so, but I like to imagine that it was a message from Mother, to say, "Don't worry--I've just gone home."
The Minister and Dragonfly took us out to lunch yesterday, which was very nice of them. However, I couldn't even have a beer because I only had four hours of sleep, and the slightest whiff of alcohol would have made me crash. Too tired. It is very hard to form good habits, or any kind of habits, when your sleep cycle is so erratic. I was very grumpy because I felt as if I was getting literally nothing done and my life was meaningless. Also sad because I wished my parents could be still alive and living in their little house.
Today was the most beautiful, perfect summer day. It's like falling through a time warp, because it seems as if we missed spring entirely. We went for a walk in the little woods, and sat on a bench by the creek for a time and did a little meditating. When you open your eyes again, the world is so astonishingly GREEN. In the afternoon, we sat by the lake for the first time this year. There was a cool breeze off the water. All the sailboats were heeling over. It was great, although the sound of the water made me feel like falling asleep. Everything does! Except at night--then nothing does. Tonight we watched the Belmont. I was rooting for Tacitus. He got a bad position at the start and was never able to catch up. My horse has not won ANY race in YEARS. I just don't know how to pick them any more. It's a good thing I only bet in my imagination.
The Duchess texted to say she had picked up the ashes and the death certificates. Here's a spooky thing. My parents lived in the same little old house for 50 years. It was their refuge and haven. In their mind's eye, it was packed with treasures--books, music, flowers, a fire in the fireplace, a garden in the back yard. It was their little piece of Eden. It was a tragic day for them when they could no longer manage life there and had to move out. Assisted care made their lives longer and more comfortable, but they didn't really appreciate it. It was always referred to by the street address--"1505." The time of death on the death certificate was given in 24 hour time: 15:05. Maybe it's goofy of me to think so, but I like to imagine that it was a message from Mother, to say, "Don't worry--I've just gone home."
