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Roadrunner of Flourish
Aug. 17th, 2019 08:43 pmFor the last couple of days, I fell under a cloud of intense sadness. It feels like coming down with the flu or some other physical debility. Everything seems so sad, and the thought of trying to be with people and act normal seems overwhelming. The problem with depression is that you know there are things you should do that would make it better, but the possibility of feeling better seems so remote that it's hard to get motivated. Something I often do when I'm already depressed is clean the bathroom. When I already hate everything, I feel I might as well be cleaning toilets. Small, well-defined, manageable tasks can be helpful. Also, if Happy Me ever shows up again, at least she'll have a clean bathroom.
This morning, I woke up too early, with a headache, and then fell into several gumption traps along the way. I had decided I shouldn't spend time on the internet when I'm depressed already, because it does not help! However, I made the mistake of looking up a friend on Facebook, and then--we all know where that goes. I wanted to practice my violin pieces for Sunday, but I didn't want to wake up the Sparrowhawk, so that was out. Then I decided to try to put away some of my mother's art work, which has been reposing suboptimally in a large bag in the attic. I discovered that the package that came in the mail wasn't 12 x 12 sheet protectors for the art, but instead was some 9 x 12 plastic envelopes, which were not what I wanted. Fortunately, the Sparrowhawk came down at that point and made me some tea. I had only been up for two hours.
The one thing I had been looking forward to was having a cup of coffee and a Greek pastry. Last night we visited the Greek Festival that happens in our neighborhood every year. We ate and listened to Greek music and watched the costumed dancers and the little kids imitating them. We brought some pastries home with us. I had just enough gumption left to still want my morning treat. After that I did some bathroom cleaning, put away laundry, played the violin, and then went for a walk while the Sparrowhawk mowed the lawn. Going for a walk is also a mostly-reliable hack for improving my mood. So, at this point I've recovered my equilibrium, for the time being anyway. It's a task like any other. I just wish it didn't take so long.
This morning, I woke up too early, with a headache, and then fell into several gumption traps along the way. I had decided I shouldn't spend time on the internet when I'm depressed already, because it does not help! However, I made the mistake of looking up a friend on Facebook, and then--we all know where that goes. I wanted to practice my violin pieces for Sunday, but I didn't want to wake up the Sparrowhawk, so that was out. Then I decided to try to put away some of my mother's art work, which has been reposing suboptimally in a large bag in the attic. I discovered that the package that came in the mail wasn't 12 x 12 sheet protectors for the art, but instead was some 9 x 12 plastic envelopes, which were not what I wanted. Fortunately, the Sparrowhawk came down at that point and made me some tea. I had only been up for two hours.
The one thing I had been looking forward to was having a cup of coffee and a Greek pastry. Last night we visited the Greek Festival that happens in our neighborhood every year. We ate and listened to Greek music and watched the costumed dancers and the little kids imitating them. We brought some pastries home with us. I had just enough gumption left to still want my morning treat. After that I did some bathroom cleaning, put away laundry, played the violin, and then went for a walk while the Sparrowhawk mowed the lawn. Going for a walk is also a mostly-reliable hack for improving my mood. So, at this point I've recovered my equilibrium, for the time being anyway. It's a task like any other. I just wish it didn't take so long.
