GoldenSeal of Bloom

Not the best of days. It started off on the down side, because I've been waking up too often in the night. I don't stay awake long, but it's like flipping the light switch all night: on, off, on off. Some tiring dream about my plan to swim a long way in the dark to start a revolution. I was in a hurry because the guy at the bodega where I had to buy a couple of necessary items insisted that a free sandwich came with my purchase and asked me far too many questions about what I wanted on it. I couldn't take it with me underwater anyway. I told him what I really needed was the chain he had used to chain his gas can to a post so people couldn't steal it. I had some use for it in mind and estimated it would not be too heavy to swim with. It was taking him too long to detach the chain, and I needed to get to the rendezvous before the rest of my team. Anyway, I felt like crap when I got up. I really should have gone back to bed, but it was such a beautiful day that I didn't want to. The next few days will not be beautiful. They will include a hard frost and possibly some snow. I'm not sure it's really beneficial to know what the weather will be. Sometimes it only fills me with dread and irritation. I wasted a good deal of time wrestling with the internet and getting more frustrated and cranky.

We tried to sit outside again, but the wind was rising and it was chilly. I love it so much out there that I really hated to come back inside, but I had to give up in the end. I finally succeeded in sending birthday greetings to my darling Diva, and made some cinnamon rolls, but that was about it for things done. The current situation has different ways of getting to me. Today it was the realization that I have several problems that can neither be solved nor run away from. Distraction and finding something else to think about are the only things I can do. It's hard to find ways of distracting myself at the best of times, and right now I have literally nowhere to run! Facebook keeps helpfully showing me pictures from one year ago. That means pictures of my mother as she got closer and closer to death. Oh weh. NOT HELPING, Facebook!

The Sparrowhawk kindly nudged me to go for a walk, and I eventually yielded to persuasion, although I was a little worried I would just have a meltdown and lie down on the ground halfway home like an over tired toddler. I did feel a little better afterwards. The Duchess sent me a sweet postcard in response to the one I sent her, and I put it on the refrigerator. We Facetimed with the Diva to say Happy Birthday and sing her the birthday song. She looked lovely and was wearing the headphones we gave her. She said Angelbaby made her a cake, which she was going to eat shortly, and she thought it had fondant on it! Be still my heart, I have a grandson who can make fondant! We worked on the puzzle and started watching the Lord Peter Wimsey mysteries. We're starting with Ian Carmichael and will get to Edward Petherbridge and Harriet Walter in time. So the day ended better than it began.