BitterPecan of Bloom

[ismo]

I'm having large amounts of unexplained anxiety lately. Even when I sleep pretty well, as I did last night, I wake up with the anxiety machine cranking away. Instead of going into lurking hermit mode, I've been running around doing more "getting things ready" stuff, but not doing it very effectively, because of the anxiety. Today, for instance, I had to make my belated trip to the grocery store, because the Philosopher and his Lovely Friend are coming to see us after all--tomorrow at 4 pm, so they say. But I was not efficient at all in the store. Quite a few items made me go "ugh, no" and walk away quickly. Then they started playing 60s and 70s music at high volume, for some ungodly reason, and I felt as if I would faint any minute. I made it home with a lot of vegetables, some ice cream (on sale), some bratwurst (on sale) for the Sparrowhawk, and a bottle of cheap champagne for Monday. I was incapable of cooking dinner in the time allotted, so I bought some sliced meat and potato salad at the deli. When I got home, I put the frozen things away, and asked the Sparrowhawk to make me a sandwich. Earlier, I had cleaned the refrigerator and trimmed all the dead leaves off my disheveled potted plant. It rained all night last night and was cold and rather disagreeable this morning. My poor little tomatoes must be shivering in their boots. By next Friday, it will be 88 again. I will not like that, but I imagine the tomatoes will.