ElmTree of Bliss

[ismo]

I really should not post at night. Because by then I am either completely disgusted with my life choices, or else okay with them but too tired to remember what they were. I talked to Queenie. We're still both having similar cases of the blues. Hers are worse, though. I had forgotten that while both of us are sad about the upcoming anniversary of our mother's death on the 30th, she also has the anniversary of her dog dying on the very next day. That's an extra cherry on the sundae of sadness. I then took a shower and went out for a walk. The funny part is that we had been talking about how both of us are having one of those episodes in which we feel we should definitely not go out among people, and have introvert's remorse about every conversation. I tried to encourage her that it was fine, people like us, nobody is going to look at us funny. Well . . . on my walk I was waving and saying hi cheerfully to the people I met along the way. And I swear to God, they WERE looking at me funny, even though I did my best to ignore it. When I came home, I happened to catch sight of myself in a mirror. I went out with wet hair from my shower, and I'm pretty sure I forgot to comb my hair. It was dry but decidedly haystack-y when I came back. I suspect that it was a wild tangle as I tramped doggedly along. This may have been the reason for people wondering who this person with the crazy hair might be. On the other hand, it could have been just my brain chemicals. You never know.

I also cleaned all the pots and pans from yesterday, and did a couple of other tidying things. After that, the day went downhill rapidly and came to a dispirited halt at a dip in the road. However, on my walk I did see a goldfinch fly up into an oak tree. A bright chip of sunlight! Wild geraniums are starting to bloom in the woods, and the bloodroot is up, along with thickets of may apples. Also, it's VE Day. Perhaps if I'd thought of this earlier, the echoes of that great relief and rejoicing might have caught up with me.