Honeybee of Bliss
Apr. 9th, 2020 09:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ismoWriting a story feels like running in an egg race. I want to get to the end as fast as possible, but I also want not to drop the egg and smash the fragile shape it holds in my imagination. I think I will be able to keep it balanced delicately in my mind until I cross the finish line.
And what a very weird day this has been, weatherwise. When I woke up, it was another beautiful sunny day. Colder, but nice. I thought "Oh good, I'll make up for that walk I didn't get yesterday." Less than one hour later, before I made it downstairs, it was dark and cloudy and the wind was blustering around. While we were having our morning tea, little bits of frozen water started flying through the air. It was snowing. Then it stopped, and hey! It was sunny again. I hurried out for a walk, but it was already clouding over. Still, I made it home before--it snowed again. This time, it was a sleety snow, pelting down thickly. And then the sun came out while I made leek and potato soup. And THEN--what the everlasting hell--it HAILED. An avalanche of (fortunately) tiny white pellets like some kind of packing material. They piled up on my roof and pelted my poor darling daffodils. And now, the sky is clear and the evening star is shining brightly. I give up.
Having an emotionally exhausting day in which I keep feeling as if I'm going to cry. I'm just feeling intensely powerless about everything. And of course, I am in fact powerless over most of these things. I don't think there has ever been a time in my life when I felt so strongly that I don't know what's going on, the truth is inaccessible to me, and even if I did know, I wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it. Well, I'm grateful that I have a story to write. That really is helping a lot. Also baking show!
And what a very weird day this has been, weatherwise. When I woke up, it was another beautiful sunny day. Colder, but nice. I thought "Oh good, I'll make up for that walk I didn't get yesterday." Less than one hour later, before I made it downstairs, it was dark and cloudy and the wind was blustering around. While we were having our morning tea, little bits of frozen water started flying through the air. It was snowing. Then it stopped, and hey! It was sunny again. I hurried out for a walk, but it was already clouding over. Still, I made it home before--it snowed again. This time, it was a sleety snow, pelting down thickly. And then the sun came out while I made leek and potato soup. And THEN--what the everlasting hell--it HAILED. An avalanche of (fortunately) tiny white pellets like some kind of packing material. They piled up on my roof and pelted my poor darling daffodils. And now, the sky is clear and the evening star is shining brightly. I give up.
Having an emotionally exhausting day in which I keep feeling as if I'm going to cry. I'm just feeling intensely powerless about everything. And of course, I am in fact powerless over most of these things. I don't think there has ever been a time in my life when I felt so strongly that I don't know what's going on, the truth is inaccessible to me, and even if I did know, I wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it. Well, I'm grateful that I have a story to write. That really is helping a lot. Also baking show!
