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SandyFerret of Zenith
Jun. 27th, 2019 10:45 pmStill working on having better days. I think the real problem is not sleeping, but there isn't much I can do that hasn't already been tried. Yesterday, we sat by the lake for awhile, and when we got home, I simply had to take a nap, and conked out instantly. Now if only I could do that at night.
It's going to be in the high 80s all week, which is a bit of a shock after the long cold spring. It hasn't rained in three days (?) and I will have to water my tomatoes tomorrow! That, too, is a shock! Today I woke up feeling extremely cranky after being uncomfortable and achy all night. But I was determined to go for a walk early in the day, before it got super hot. Many of my accomplishments recorded here are just embarrassing: "Oh, look--I haz pants on! I haz underwear, and shoes! I combed my hair. So at least I can go outside without frightening the children. My accomplishments, let me show you them!" I loved my walk. The breeze was delightful, wafting scents of honeysuckle and box flowers. But often these days I have to run my brain and body in parallel, with my mind floating above and appreciating everything, and my body trudging along below, keeping up a constant low-volume accompaniment of "ow ow ow grumble ow grumble snore ow ow . . . " It's hardly the path to world domination.
I had a healthy lunch composed of yesterday's leftovers eaten cold: a veggie-heavy salad with corn, cucumbers, and peppers in it, plus leftover steamed carrots, and a piece of walleye filet. That walleye was DELICIOUS. I'm a big fan of lake fish. And then the Sparrowhawk and I meditated, which we are seriously trying to do every day for long enough to see if it actually helps. Some days it's bliss. Other days, like today, it's sheer torture, because it takes away my distractions and then I just flail around in my own mind like a fish on a hook. I started cleaning the refrigerator but didn't finish the job. Likewise with putting away laundry.
Queenie called and we shared our sadness and aggravation. She agreed with me that the main symptom of our grief seems to be extreme fatigue and crankiness, and that distracting ourselves seems to work better than anything else. At least we understand each other.
It's going to be in the high 80s all week, which is a bit of a shock after the long cold spring. It hasn't rained in three days (?) and I will have to water my tomatoes tomorrow! That, too, is a shock! Today I woke up feeling extremely cranky after being uncomfortable and achy all night. But I was determined to go for a walk early in the day, before it got super hot. Many of my accomplishments recorded here are just embarrassing: "Oh, look--I haz pants on! I haz underwear, and shoes! I combed my hair. So at least I can go outside without frightening the children. My accomplishments, let me show you them!" I loved my walk. The breeze was delightful, wafting scents of honeysuckle and box flowers. But often these days I have to run my brain and body in parallel, with my mind floating above and appreciating everything, and my body trudging along below, keeping up a constant low-volume accompaniment of "ow ow ow grumble ow grumble snore ow ow . . . " It's hardly the path to world domination.
I had a healthy lunch composed of yesterday's leftovers eaten cold: a veggie-heavy salad with corn, cucumbers, and peppers in it, plus leftover steamed carrots, and a piece of walleye filet. That walleye was DELICIOUS. I'm a big fan of lake fish. And then the Sparrowhawk and I meditated, which we are seriously trying to do every day for long enough to see if it actually helps. Some days it's bliss. Other days, like today, it's sheer torture, because it takes away my distractions and then I just flail around in my own mind like a fish on a hook. I started cleaning the refrigerator but didn't finish the job. Likewise with putting away laundry.
Queenie called and we shared our sadness and aggravation. She agreed with me that the main symptom of our grief seems to be extreme fatigue and crankiness, and that distracting ourselves seems to work better than anything else. At least we understand each other.
