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OrangeBalsam of Simmer
Jul. 31st, 2019 11:05 pmThe weather today was delightful. The temperature dropped a bit, and the humidity was way down, so it was a perfect summer day. I went out for a quick walk, and then spent an hour and a half subduing weeds in the front garden bed and the side of the house, where I was very happy to see that the ferns I planted a couple of years ago are doing really well this year. It wasn't all that hot, but I was still a sweaty mess again by the time I was done. I came in and had some ice water and a shower. Then we packed up the lawn chairs and some iced coffee and went over to sit by the lake for awhile. I reflected on weeding, and how it's not just a chore, but a learning experience. I have a change to get in touch with the ground, to see what's thriving this year and what isn't, where the sun shines at certain times of day, how moist the earth is, what kind of insects are around, and things like that. I also get to watch squirrels, chipmunks, bunnies, and birds. If I had a magic poison to kill all the weeds, I wouldn't learn those things. On the other hand, one can certainly have too much of it! I'm grumpy and using salty language on the thistles and redbud sprouts, which are everywhere, so not completely in la-la land here.
I was feeling pretty good about the upcoming trip, until I got more email from the siblings. It's not that anything negative was said, but just the detailing of their activities and whatnot made me anxious. I was trying to articulate why it upsets me, and the Sparrowhawk said helpfully, "You don't feel safe." Yep, that's pretty much it. But I am. Because everything will be fine--and if it isn't, I will Walk Away. He then confessed that the trip is putting him in a funk too. It's just one more thing, and one thing too many. He's already dealing with his own feelings about managing his disability, and he doesn't need to deal with another strenuous expedition. Oh well--I just took three loaves of hot bread out of the oven. I'll give him a piece of it with mayo and a slice of tomato on it, sprinkled with salt. That will take his mind off his troubles. It's very soothing to make bread. When it comes out of the oven, ready to be enjoyed, one thing is right with the world.
I was feeling pretty good about the upcoming trip, until I got more email from the siblings. It's not that anything negative was said, but just the detailing of their activities and whatnot made me anxious. I was trying to articulate why it upsets me, and the Sparrowhawk said helpfully, "You don't feel safe." Yep, that's pretty much it. But I am. Because everything will be fine--and if it isn't, I will Walk Away. He then confessed that the trip is putting him in a funk too. It's just one more thing, and one thing too many. He's already dealing with his own feelings about managing his disability, and he doesn't need to deal with another strenuous expedition. Oh well--I just took three loaves of hot bread out of the oven. I'll give him a piece of it with mayo and a slice of tomato on it, sprinkled with salt. That will take his mind off his troubles. It's very soothing to make bread. When it comes out of the oven, ready to be enjoyed, one thing is right with the world.
