![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
VirginiaPossum of Simmer
Aug. 1st, 2019 11:33 pmI went out on a lovely summer morning for a walk. The dew was still sparkling on the grass in the shade of the big old silver maples on the hill. Intense purple asters have joined the lighter purple bergamot and the tall golden silphiums of various varieties. I had every expectation of starting off a pleasant and productive day. Instead I relapsed into intermittent teary moments interspersed with getting mad about everything and then feeling too tired to want to do any of the many things I had in mind. sometimes the most beautiful days make me feel the saddest. I don't know how I'm going to get through this burial thing. I just don't know. According to the reckoning I use, last night the season of Beltane ended and the season of Lughnasadh began. Which means we have now moved out of the last season in which my mother was alive, and into a season she will never see.
I did have one amusing idea today: the destination funeral. It's going to be a lot of work to carry my mother's ashes to the dinky little town in rural Illinois where my father grew up and is buried. So it occurred to me that maybe I should try to die in some place people would want to visit. Or at least buy burial plots there. In Florida, for example, and then the funeral guests could go to Disney World after the interment. I suggested to the Sparrowhawk that we could maybe die in Vienna, but he says the graveyards there are too crowded already. Not very practical. I will give this more thought. . . . Or MAYBE I should think about how if I live to be as old as my mother did, I'll be around for another TWENTY FIVE YEARS so stop thinking about dying already! Who even knows what the world will be like then. Different--perhaps marvelously so. Might as well dream.
I started to feel slightly better at 11:30 pm when I finally dragged the ironing board up from the basement and ironed a couple of all-cotton things that will be nice and cool for the hot weather in Illinois. I like only natural fabrics next to my skin, so they have to be ironed, and this is a perpetual gumption trap. I like the process once it's set up. The dress I was ironing is very comforting because the colorful pattern is like an illustration from a child's picture book and makes me feel good.
I did have one amusing idea today: the destination funeral. It's going to be a lot of work to carry my mother's ashes to the dinky little town in rural Illinois where my father grew up and is buried. So it occurred to me that maybe I should try to die in some place people would want to visit. Or at least buy burial plots there. In Florida, for example, and then the funeral guests could go to Disney World after the interment. I suggested to the Sparrowhawk that we could maybe die in Vienna, but he says the graveyards there are too crowded already. Not very practical. I will give this more thought. . . . Or MAYBE I should think about how if I live to be as old as my mother did, I'll be around for another TWENTY FIVE YEARS so stop thinking about dying already! Who even knows what the world will be like then. Different--perhaps marvelously so. Might as well dream.
I started to feel slightly better at 11:30 pm when I finally dragged the ironing board up from the basement and ironed a couple of all-cotton things that will be nice and cool for the hot weather in Illinois. I like only natural fabrics next to my skin, so they have to be ironed, and this is a perpetual gumption trap. I like the process once it's set up. The dress I was ironing is very comforting because the colorful pattern is like an illustration from a child's picture book and makes me feel good.
