SunClosest of Celeste
Jan. 3rd, 2018 08:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ismoThis was an emotional day, which I'm going to write about because I learned something from it. Yesterday, when I was Skyping with writer friends, the subject of Readercon came up. I wondered why I hadn't received email from them yet. I rechecked my mail, but it wasn't there. I had a bad feeling about this. Later that evening, email from Readercon arrived. It was the dread Readercon Disinvitation email that I've heard a lot about recently. Yes, I had become one of the "PASTPROS" as spelled out in the coupon code to buy a membership discounted by a big five dollars, should I still wish to attend.
I was devastated. I had been hoping 2018 would be a better year. On top of all the other crap that has happened in the past 12 months, this was a gut punch to my self-image as a writer. I was sad, I cried, and worst of all, I felt shame and dread that I must have done something wrong or this wouldn't have happened. I stayed up late and then couldn't sleep more than four hours. I know . . . I shouldn't take things personally. It's just another con . . . . But Readercon had been kind of special to me.
After moping all morning, I finally felt that I had recovered my equanimity to the point where I could respond in a calm, appropriate way. I knew I wouldn't feel comfortable at Readercon if I feared I'd been taken off programming because I was unwelcome. So I reached out to the programming chair and confessed my worries. Somewhat to my surprise, I immediately received a kind, personal note assuring me that they had only fond thoughts of me, and that I was only being benched because they had 700 potential program participants and had to make some difficult choices to give more people a chance to be heard. I realized that the person on the other side of the email was a human being too, greatly stressed by the same decisions that had made me unhappy. I'm sure they get a lot of negative reactions to some of their choices. They thanked me for being "understanding and kind." I immediately felt a whole lot better. I'm still sad, but now I can contemplate enjoying Readercon from the audience without anxiety. I was so glad I had reached out rather than responding with some trigger-happy negativity.
This is the third time this year that I've contacted someone whose actions made me unhappy, and the third time I've been pleasantly surprised by a kind and helpful response. The first two people had actually done me harm in the past. They apologized! I let go of those memories and the pain that went with them. In this case, no one had done anything wrong. I just needed a better understanding of what happened, and I received it. I think I'm finally getting the message that it's better to ask than to wonder, and that people are often very willing to be reconciled if you can approach them with kindness. I know there are some situations, especially at work, where it might not be safe to be vulnerable. But many times, if you can ask for what you want, you might end up feeling better.
So then I went out and shoveled the driveway. Again! Seems like there's always some shoveling to be done, whether it be internal or external.
I was devastated. I had been hoping 2018 would be a better year. On top of all the other crap that has happened in the past 12 months, this was a gut punch to my self-image as a writer. I was sad, I cried, and worst of all, I felt shame and dread that I must have done something wrong or this wouldn't have happened. I stayed up late and then couldn't sleep more than four hours. I know . . . I shouldn't take things personally. It's just another con . . . . But Readercon had been kind of special to me.
After moping all morning, I finally felt that I had recovered my equanimity to the point where I could respond in a calm, appropriate way. I knew I wouldn't feel comfortable at Readercon if I feared I'd been taken off programming because I was unwelcome. So I reached out to the programming chair and confessed my worries. Somewhat to my surprise, I immediately received a kind, personal note assuring me that they had only fond thoughts of me, and that I was only being benched because they had 700 potential program participants and had to make some difficult choices to give more people a chance to be heard. I realized that the person on the other side of the email was a human being too, greatly stressed by the same decisions that had made me unhappy. I'm sure they get a lot of negative reactions to some of their choices. They thanked me for being "understanding and kind." I immediately felt a whole lot better. I'm still sad, but now I can contemplate enjoying Readercon from the audience without anxiety. I was so glad I had reached out rather than responding with some trigger-happy negativity.
This is the third time this year that I've contacted someone whose actions made me unhappy, and the third time I've been pleasantly surprised by a kind and helpful response. The first two people had actually done me harm in the past. They apologized! I let go of those memories and the pain that went with them. In this case, no one had done anything wrong. I just needed a better understanding of what happened, and I received it. I think I'm finally getting the message that it's better to ask than to wonder, and that people are often very willing to be reconciled if you can approach them with kindness. I know there are some situations, especially at work, where it might not be safe to be vulnerable. But many times, if you can ask for what you want, you might end up feeling better.
So then I went out and shoveled the driveway. Again! Seems like there's always some shoveling to be done, whether it be internal or external.
no subject
Date: 2018-01-04 03:42 am (UTC)I will be really glad to see you...maybe I will get to see more of you than last year!
no subject
Date: 2018-01-06 03:13 am (UTC)