MeadowBunting of Trill
Apr. 12th, 2018 09:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ismoI got a strange phone call this morning. It was my mother. She got all dressed to go out, then waited and waited for me to show up. She forgot that her doctor's appointment was tomorrow, not today. It's on her calendar and everything. She has just lost the ability to remember dates. She finally got the idea to call me, and was able to make her phone work. She was understandably upset. I assured her that it was okay and I'd be there tomorrow. She tried to laugh it off, but it must be very disturbing to find these things happening inside your brain, without any ability to control them. I guess she's not really back to normal, alas. And she won't drink any more Gatorade ("that flavored water") because she says it upsets her stomach. I don't like Gatorade myself, so I can't really blame her.
I was all like, la la la, I'm fine, everything's fine, until I took a minute to reflect on why I seemed to be mad about everything and was stomping around ranting pointlessly. Then I started crying. I feel as if I'm losing her. It's like one of those scenes where the protagonist grabs someone by the wrist just as they're about to fall off the roof, and then they slowly, slowly lose their grip and fall anyway. I'm hanging on, but I know it's not going to work. It's like the part where Sam is trying to hold on to Frodo, and he says, "Don't go where I can't follow." Probably I'm just being melodramatic and she'll live for years. Maybe . . . .
And nevertheless, I really don't want to drive down there tomorrow! Ugh. I'll be very happy when I'm back home. I made some delicious peanut butter cookies with butterscotch and chocolate chips in them so she could have a snack at the doctor's office. And there are plenty left for the Sparrowhawk, who has things to do and is staying at home this time. We took a tour of the back yard this morning, and I explained to him that our mission, should we choose to accept it, is first of all to destroy the mint and ivy plants that are trying to eat up the flower beds! It's a daunting task, but we'll be able to get started on it as soon as the next (and final??) winter storm passes by.
I was all like, la la la, I'm fine, everything's fine, until I took a minute to reflect on why I seemed to be mad about everything and was stomping around ranting pointlessly. Then I started crying. I feel as if I'm losing her. It's like one of those scenes where the protagonist grabs someone by the wrist just as they're about to fall off the roof, and then they slowly, slowly lose their grip and fall anyway. I'm hanging on, but I know it's not going to work. It's like the part where Sam is trying to hold on to Frodo, and he says, "Don't go where I can't follow." Probably I'm just being melodramatic and she'll live for years. Maybe . . . .
And nevertheless, I really don't want to drive down there tomorrow! Ugh. I'll be very happy when I'm back home. I made some delicious peanut butter cookies with butterscotch and chocolate chips in them so she could have a snack at the doctor's office. And there are plenty left for the Sparrowhawk, who has things to do and is staying at home this time. We took a tour of the back yard this morning, and I explained to him that our mission, should we choose to accept it, is first of all to destroy the mint and ivy plants that are trying to eat up the flower beds! It's a daunting task, but we'll be able to get started on it as soon as the next (and final??) winter storm passes by.
no subject
Date: 2018-04-13 02:28 am (UTC)