Spiderweb of Flourish

[ismo]

I dropped the Sparrowhawk off at the eye doctor this morning before going to see my therapist. He thought he could drive himself, but I didn't want him to until he saw the doc. Good news--his eye is healing well, and they were able to take off the "bandage contact lens" and move on to the next stage of healing. So now he really can drive again.

We had more thunder and rain last night. This morning it wasn't too bad out--still very humid and muggy, but there was a breeze. I thought I could get a walk in before it got too hot, but it was pretty hot by the time I got back. When I sat down in Madame's office, she commented, "That is a 'my joints hurt' kind of sitting down." And she was right. My knees are so stiff. I can feel that they are puffed up inside. The Sparrowhawk made some oatmeal, and I ate some with hemp oil, blueberries and walnuts. I've been not taking my supplements, because I'm in an "oh what's the use" kind of mood, but I'm going to start doing it again and see if it helps.

We talked about several things in therapy, among them feeling stuck and having to do things you don't want to do. I came home all determined to get to work on some of the administrative tasks, like sending queries to more agents. Then I went down the rabbit hole of looking at agents online, and became completely demoralized. I don't have the ability to sell myself, and I never have had. I'm very much a "This is what I've got. Take it or leave it" kind of person. However, in this world, you have to present yourself as a salable item before you can even convince people to take a look at what you've got. I know that. But I don't like it. I'm with Whitman in "Starting from Paumanok":
"O a word to clear one's path ahead endlessly!
O something ecstatic and undemonstrable! O music wild!"

I am wild thing out of the wild woods. But I still have to look for an agent. I tried to cheer myself up by listening to the CD my brother gave me, of Martha Redbone and the Roots Project singing Garden of Love: Songs of William Blake.

Comments

joints, man. i tell you.

[siriosa]

i've been taking two boswellia caps a day, and four turmeric (both anti inflammatories) and i can feel it when i don't.

also i do 9 gin-soaked raisins in my oatmeal in the morning. it's a folk remedy for arthritis. no idea if it helps, but it's amusing.

there there there there there there there.
i am so with you on the "this what i got. take or leave. no care."

Re: joints, man. i tell you.

[ismo]

Ha--yes, and they're lucky if I don't mentally add "Asshole" to my "no care." I love Gin Soaked Raisins. That is my new band name.

[oracne]

A question I have been pondering is, do I need to publish? I mean, it makes me happy, but it's no longer a goal in itself. I have written and sold novels, and no one can take that away from me. I'm not sure if I need to try and get back into it (and even if I need to, I'm not sure I can).

I don't have an answer.

[ismo]

Yes, no one can take that away from you, for sure! I don't know. I can't really say "I need to" if it's not possible. I know I do need to tell stories, and a story is not much good without an audience, so I would very much like to have some way to get people to read things that I write. It is certainly possible that I'm just not a wanted product in today's official market. So I guess I need to find out, and if so, ponder what to do next. Honestly, I would like to make some money at it, now that our income has been reduced, but I don't know how that would work either. It's not absolutely necessary.

[oracne]

Relating to money, there's also the whole revision of rights issue for your previous work.