Tiger of Leave
Oct. 28th, 2018 09:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ismoThe Wellbutrin update: I've been taking it for about a month now, and it doesn't seem to me that it's good for much besides making one shot seem like two or three. This would save on liquor, I suppose, but its actual effect is to make me even less likely to drink than I was before. I don't feel comfortable having any alcohol unless I'm at home with no plans to do anything for a couple of hours. So that's hardly a benefit.
When I say it seems ineffective, this is only because I'm on my third day in a row of being awash in melancholy. Everything, but EVERYTHING, seems like an invitation to be either sad or irritated. Wellbutrin schmellbutrin. (I've just been wanting to say that. Silly-sounding words are one of the few things that don't make me feel sad.) It's not as if I've been just sitting around moping. I've been out and about. I've been doing things--watching out for the Sparrowhawk, doing all the driving because he can't see, shopping for groceries. Friday night, we had tickets to a locavore food expo at the greenhouse in our neighborhood. It's always a lot of fun. There are all kinds of delicious food samples and a bluegrass band. I had a Polish Falcon with Long Road Distillery vodka, ginger beer, lime and mint. It was delicious, but the the actual vodka content was parsimonious enough that I didn't have to worry about Wellbutrin interaction.
Last night, we met our friends from the DBs at a Mediterranean restaurant, and then moved on to coffee and cookies at the house of one of our number who lived nearby. Our host and another woman were playing some of their favorite songs by ELO. It turned out they first heard them IN EIGHTH GRADE. Oh lordy. The conversation turned to "What was the first live concert you attended." I told them I never went to concerts as a teenager, and then I was in a cult, so I kind of missed the 70s.
This morning it was drippy and cold. It rained. Dying leaves plopped off the trees and fell into the grass which I should have been raking more assiduously. I felt sad. The Sparrowhawk stayed home, but I went to church to play music for the Halloween parade they always have for the kids in the congregation. I pretty much butchered "Double Trouble" for about the fifth time. Every time we play that, I mess it up, and then vow to practice the hell out of before next time, and then time passes, and I forget. There was a police car in the parking lot of the synagogue our church rents space from. I thought it was nice of them to come and watch over us, but it was damn sad. I had dressed up as an elf queen, sort of. Long dress, sparkly fingerless gloves, garland of autumn leaves. This moved one of the congregation to snap my picture and helpfully post it on Facebook, and it was hideous. Aaack. THAT really was sad. Our wonderful young keyboardist dressed as Little Bo Peep and her darling daughter as a little lamb, and they were cute AF. But me? Nooooo.
Eating out, friends, music--I should feel happy. But I don't. And I prefer not to talk about most of the things that make me REALLY sad. So let's blame it on the rain and a bad photo. I have to say, I am very damn disappointed in modern pharmacology.
When I say it seems ineffective, this is only because I'm on my third day in a row of being awash in melancholy. Everything, but EVERYTHING, seems like an invitation to be either sad or irritated. Wellbutrin schmellbutrin. (I've just been wanting to say that. Silly-sounding words are one of the few things that don't make me feel sad.) It's not as if I've been just sitting around moping. I've been out and about. I've been doing things--watching out for the Sparrowhawk, doing all the driving because he can't see, shopping for groceries. Friday night, we had tickets to a locavore food expo at the greenhouse in our neighborhood. It's always a lot of fun. There are all kinds of delicious food samples and a bluegrass band. I had a Polish Falcon with Long Road Distillery vodka, ginger beer, lime and mint. It was delicious, but the the actual vodka content was parsimonious enough that I didn't have to worry about Wellbutrin interaction.
Last night, we met our friends from the DBs at a Mediterranean restaurant, and then moved on to coffee and cookies at the house of one of our number who lived nearby. Our host and another woman were playing some of their favorite songs by ELO. It turned out they first heard them IN EIGHTH GRADE. Oh lordy. The conversation turned to "What was the first live concert you attended." I told them I never went to concerts as a teenager, and then I was in a cult, so I kind of missed the 70s.
This morning it was drippy and cold. It rained. Dying leaves plopped off the trees and fell into the grass which I should have been raking more assiduously. I felt sad. The Sparrowhawk stayed home, but I went to church to play music for the Halloween parade they always have for the kids in the congregation. I pretty much butchered "Double Trouble" for about the fifth time. Every time we play that, I mess it up, and then vow to practice the hell out of before next time, and then time passes, and I forget. There was a police car in the parking lot of the synagogue our church rents space from. I thought it was nice of them to come and watch over us, but it was damn sad. I had dressed up as an elf queen, sort of. Long dress, sparkly fingerless gloves, garland of autumn leaves. This moved one of the congregation to snap my picture and helpfully post it on Facebook, and it was hideous. Aaack. THAT really was sad. Our wonderful young keyboardist dressed as Little Bo Peep and her darling daughter as a little lamb, and they were cute AF. But me? Nooooo.
Eating out, friends, music--I should feel happy. But I don't. And I prefer not to talk about most of the things that make me REALLY sad. So let's blame it on the rain and a bad photo. I have to say, I am very damn disappointed in modern pharmacology.
in times like these
Date: 2018-10-29 04:22 am (UTC)holding you in the light.
no subject
Date: 2018-10-29 12:54 pm (UTC)