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RedSquirrel of Sleet
Feb. 14th, 2019 10:43 pmThe feeling that I just don't matter is hard to overcome. I know I matter to a few people, but in a larger world, I do not. I'm kind of a large person on the inside as well as outside, and I have more pride than you might think. Also, I have a hard time not revisiting all my decisions and questioning whether they were the right ones. I decided there would be yet another chapter in my memoir, entitled "All the Things I Didn't Say." I guess this would also include all the times I did not punch anyone in the face or break anything. Just as a footnote, I've noticed that other people correct me much more than I correct other people. Strangely, these other people are wrong almost all the time (of course they are!!) but I just bite my tongue and let them be wrong. You'd think they'd take a hint and STOP SPEAKING. But they don't. That's because they think I'm a nice person, and don't realize that I am fully capable of ripping their arms off like an enraged Wookiee. Sigh. This is just a long-winded way to say that I thought too much about the past last night, and had a bit of an inner meltdown.
However, today was a bright new day, and I woke up not caring, which was an improvement. Yesterday we shoveled the driveway AGAIN!! including the packed-down plow ridge left at the end of it. This morning, we were happy to see that only a negligible amount of snow had fallen. We had a happy Valentine's Day. We had pancakes for breakfast and built a fire in the fireplace, and later on, walked up to the woods in the snow. The temperature went up to 43! The sound of icicles melting could be heard, and the sound of the little creek burbling through the ice at its edges. It was nice to breathe some fresh air without freezing my lungs solid. Then we ate pizza and watched an episode of "The Discovery of Witches." I'm enjoying the series. The scenery is gorgeous--mostly Oxford--the cast is well-chosen, and the production is just baroque and over the top enough to be delicious. To me, anyway. So. Many. Meaningful. Glances.
I'm waiting anxiously to hear more about my mother. I was expecting the Duchess to have attended a care conference by now, but maybe she couldn't make it earlier than Friday. I need to ask her if she wants us to come down again this weekend so she can take a break from visiting.
However, today was a bright new day, and I woke up not caring, which was an improvement. Yesterday we shoveled the driveway AGAIN!! including the packed-down plow ridge left at the end of it. This morning, we were happy to see that only a negligible amount of snow had fallen. We had a happy Valentine's Day. We had pancakes for breakfast and built a fire in the fireplace, and later on, walked up to the woods in the snow. The temperature went up to 43! The sound of icicles melting could be heard, and the sound of the little creek burbling through the ice at its edges. It was nice to breathe some fresh air without freezing my lungs solid. Then we ate pizza and watched an episode of "The Discovery of Witches." I'm enjoying the series. The scenery is gorgeous--mostly Oxford--the cast is well-chosen, and the production is just baroque and over the top enough to be delicious. To me, anyway. So. Many. Meaningful. Glances.
I'm waiting anxiously to hear more about my mother. I was expecting the Duchess to have attended a care conference by now, but maybe she couldn't make it earlier than Friday. I need to ask her if she wants us to come down again this weekend so she can take a break from visiting.
