Starfish of Bloom

[ismo]

The Friday/Saturday visit to see Queenie, the Fireman, and my mother was successful and a good thing, but nevertheless emotionally stressful. I drove home through a blinding rainstorm in which I preserved my equanimity while people acted the fool all around me. All I wanted to do when I got home was flop on the couch and watch the Preakness with a stiff drink in hand. However, my stomach was too upset by having to eat the wrong things. I was already in pain, and it seemed imprudent to add alcohol to the mix. The Preakness was a disappointment. Always Dreaming caved under pressure from Classic Empire--and then both were beaten by Cloud Computing. So no Triple Crown winner again this year! I struggled to even stay awake during the race. I'd been up since 5:30, and my eyes kept closing.

Sunday morning, I got up and played music at church. I could have done better. My mind wasn't completely in the game. I came home and had a bit of a meltdown. Like, I cried about various things until the Sparrowhawk gently suggested I take a nap. By this time, the sun had come out. I really wanted to go outside, but I just couldn't. I gave in to the nap suggestion and slept for two hours. Then I slept a lot last night, too, but I'm still tired. There's nothing really dire going on, except that people keep dying and all things are transitory. I guess I just take everything too hard, but I don't know how to stop doing it.

Today was a reasonably good day. Mr. Science continues to recover. The sun came out about 10 am and glittered on the water, there was a cool breeze, and I went for a walk and then sat under a tree for awhile. I did some more editing and got past a couple of sticky bits where more content was needed. The end is in sight! I cooked dinner for myself while the Sparrowhawk was at the gym, AND I cleaned up the whole kitchen. So I'm back to semi-normal again, but jeez. Maybe next time I'll just go to bed immediately, pull the blankie over my head and skip everything in between.

Comments

i endorse this course of action

[siriosa]

go to bed immediately. pull blanket over head. nap until the danger is past.
there there there there there there there

you feel things. you don't "take everything too hard": you take it all in. that's what writers do. it takes awhile for your skills to kick in and whip events into Story. you are Working. this is Hard. it's okay that you're tired, because you have been doing All The Work.

Re: i endorse this course of action

[ismo]

Thank you--this explanation makes a whole lot of sense. It is comforting to think that it's my Work, so therefore I'm not doing it wrong, I'm just doing it! Just staying present is a surprisingly big job, but I suspect you already know that.

[elbales]

You have feelings and it's okay. It's okay to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Sometimes that means a blankie and an early bedtime. It's not extraordinary that people die and things are transitory: that's the nature of the universe. But sometimes we get worn out with it all, and then we can go to bed. Or watch a bunch of Doctor Who, or cry on the cat. It's all okay.

Thinking kind thoughts of you.

[ismo]

Thank you for the kind thoughts! My cat Shadow is a shoulder cat--she likes to sit on the back of the couch and drape herself over my shoulder. It's nice because I lean my ear against her plushy fur and hear her purring.

[elbales]

Purry plushy cats are the actual best.

[oracne]

Hermiting is sometimes the only solution. It's a good solution. I am mentally hugging you.

[ismo]

From one hermit to another, thanks and a mental hug in return!