Starfish of Bloom

[ismo]

The Friday/Saturday visit to see Queenie, the Fireman, and my mother was successful and a good thing, but nevertheless emotionally stressful. I drove home through a blinding rainstorm in which I preserved my equanimity while people acted the fool all around me. All I wanted to do when I got home was flop on the couch and watch the Preakness with a stiff drink in hand. However, my stomach was too upset by having to eat the wrong things. I was already in pain, and it seemed imprudent to add alcohol to the mix. The Preakness was a disappointment. Always Dreaming caved under pressure from Classic Empire--and then both were beaten by Cloud Computing. So no Triple Crown winner again this year! I struggled to even stay awake during the race. I'd been up since 5:30, and my eyes kept closing.

Sunday morning, I got up and played music at church. I could have done better. My mind wasn't completely in the game. I came home and had a bit of a meltdown. Like, I cried about various things until the Sparrowhawk gently suggested I take a nap. By this time, the sun had come out. I really wanted to go outside, but I just couldn't. I gave in to the nap suggestion and slept for two hours. Then I slept a lot last night, too, but I'm still tired. There's nothing really dire going on, except that people keep dying and all things are transitory. I guess I just take everything too hard, but I don't know how to stop doing it.

Today was a reasonably good day. Mr. Science continues to recover. The sun came out about 10 am and glittered on the water, there was a cool breeze, and I went for a walk and then sat under a tree for awhile. I did some more editing and got past a couple of sticky bits where more content was needed. The end is in sight! I cooked dinner for myself while the Sparrowhawk was at the gym, AND I cleaned up the whole kitchen. So I'm back to semi-normal again, but jeez. Maybe next time I'll just go to bed immediately, pull the blankie over my head and skip everything in between.

Comments

[elbales]

You have feelings and it's okay. It's okay to do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Sometimes that means a blankie and an early bedtime. It's not extraordinary that people die and things are transitory: that's the nature of the universe. But sometimes we get worn out with it all, and then we can go to bed. Or watch a bunch of Doctor Who, or cry on the cat. It's all okay.

Thinking kind thoughts of you.

[ismo]

Thank you for the kind thoughts! My cat Shadow is a shoulder cat--she likes to sit on the back of the couch and drape herself over my shoulder. It's nice because I lean my ear against her plushy fur and hear her purring.

[elbales]

Purry plushy cats are the actual best.